Ok....

Wow.

This is rather good. Much like entering a room with no furniture, wall-art and a nice view of the park, this space is mine to fill however I choose.
Excellent.

Bleaaaaraggghhhyyyyyynerrrrgggggggyyyyyyfuuuullllherdersssss!!

Rather roomy really, isn't it?

Marvellous. Literary equivelent of riding-a-mountain-bike-round-the-parquet-floored-room-in-a-new-house-just-to-see-what-it's-like-as-you'll-never-have-room-to-do-it-again over with, I feel some introductions should be in order, along with some fascinating fact about my good (well, sometimes) self. It has to be stressed, I'm endeavouring to avoid the subjects of politics and religion for fear of offending, and the weather for fear of tedium. Big Brother will also not be discussed as it's dull.

Ready to unpack the first box? I think so. It's labelled "Miscelany" and looks as though it's been rolling round in the back of the lorry. Here we go...

Hello. I'm Mike. I'm a 30 year old from Eastbourne who drives a Honda Jazz and has a beard. It's fabulous, black and has a panoramic roof. (The Honda, that is. Not the beard. Although that would be amazing, wouldn't it? "Hi, like the beard? Slide this panel back and.... ta-da! Panoramic roof!" Not even Suralan Sugars' beard has that on it.) I adore films (have over 2000 DVDs) collect video games and consoles (have too many) and am desperately in love with the gorgeous, wonderful, tolerent love of my life. Kirsty. Where would I be without her? Who knows, and I don't want to think about it.

Whilst the British Armys' occupation is listed as "Iraq", mine is rather more mundane. I am a bus driver (I told you) and I would like to take this opportunity to say that I love my job. I would like to, but I'm not going to because that would be a lie so great that the flames from my pants would engulf me in an instant, thus saving on a cremation in later years I suppose but not really helping me now. Yes, I hate my job. I know, I should be grateful I have a job and I am. I just wish it wasn't this one.

I don't want to make this too long for fear of sending you to the land of nod, so thank you for your time and I hope to see you soon.
Nothing seems broken, so I think I'll replace the lid and unpack it properly later when it's not 1am on a Sunday. Where did that mountain bike go?

Love and peanuts,

Mike.

P.S. Did you know that the costume for the Teletubbie "Tinky-Winky" was over 10 feet high? Makes you think, doesn't it?