It’s said we all need balance in our lives. Bad must be countered with good, ying with yang, dark with light, Salad with cake, etc etc. This basic premise runs through most – if not all – aspects of life. Man cannot live by salad alone. Cake is required. Whilst it is advocated that we all eat healthily, who can’t resist a nice tasty cup-cake? Even though it is full of crap that we don’t need, we crave it. It has a purpose in life – to make us feel better.
The same can be said of a town. There are some places that, I’m certain, exist merely to make us feel happier. A suburban cup-cake, if you will, that we don’t need to visit. We maybe don’t even want to visit initially, but after staying a few hours we feel that we have indulged in a guilty pleasure.
Blackpool was always my guilty pleasure. A bawdy sprawl of tacky “kiss me quick” hats, quirky old trams, the “illuminations” a genuinely “fun” fair and a lot of very happy people doing exactly what they needed to do. Nobody cared! What you did in Blackpool didn’t matter - It was Blackpool! Anything you want goes, nobody’s watching. Why would they? They’re too busy with their own enjoyment to care what you’re doing.
Like it or not, towns tend to get a reputation that is near impossible to shake. Think about it – You say “Eastbourne”, “Bexhill” or “Bournemouth” and instantly you think of a haven for the elderly. “Coventry” is quite stayed and dull, whereas any town in Cornwall will usually elicit an “Alroight” and copious farmer jokes.
I visited Blackpool last weekend and I can’t begin to tell you how disappointed I was. My annual fix of “cake” left me feeling very unsatisfied. Everything has changed. Not that I’m resistant to change, you understand. Life is finite and our surroundings must adapt accordingly, but Blackpool has set upon a path that is not just “change”.
Blackpool is trying to be a salad. Gone are the clanky, vintage trams. Apparently, after 125 years, it doesn’t even have a tramway any more. It has a LRRTS – A “Light Rail Rapid Transit System”. Out with the old trams originally built in the 1930s and in with the new! Sixteen brand spanking five section rail-cars built by Canadian firm “Bombardier”, the first of which was out on test when we visited and broke down. Marvellous start. A new depot, raised kerb access to pander to the DDA and the whole track has been re-layed with tarmac in-fills as opposed to paving slabs, resulting in the worlds first underwater tram network when it rains.
The Pleasure Beach now costs £45 to visit. It used to be free to wander around and you pay for the rides as and when you want to use them. Now it costs a lot of money. Rather unsurprisingly, we saw 4 people go through the gates while we um-med, ah-ed and eventually balked at the cost of going in. Ten years ago the place would have been heaving.
New sea defences, green spaces, art installations, cutting edge design-led buildings, not to mention the totally baffling “shared space” arrangement where pedestrians share the road with cars doing 30 mph towards them – Blackpool’s got the lot. I can’t help wondering why, though. It’s trying to be something it isn’t. People aren’t going to visit to see the sculptures on the sea-front. They aren’t special enough. Nor are tram enthusiasts going to clamour for a ride on a “Light Rail Rapid Transit System” that is only rapid because they’ve removed half the old tram stops. If I want to ride on an LRRTS, I’ll go to Croyden. It’s closer. Expensive theme park? Alton Towers kicks the Pleasure Beach back to the dark ages, and it’s got better parking and is more universally accessible.
Lettuce has no place in a cup-cake, Blackpool. I may be wrong, but I think you’ll realise this when it's too late…..
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